Many Names and an Update from Gathered Here

Goldie, her name was Goldie. I know very little else about my Grandfather’s sister. Only her name, that she died very young, and that my grandfather loved her very, very dearly.

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Having been born into a family of Katies, Jennifers, Sarahs, and Michelles, the idea of a name like “Goldie” delighted me. My grandpa would mention her, and instead of listening intently, noticing his sadness, and responding with any profound childhood wisdom, I would ask, in disbelief, “Was her name really Goldie?!?!” Surely, it must have been a nickname.
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My grandfather resented Bela Lugosi. A fellow Hungarian-American over-actor, my Papa was miffed that Lugosi had removed the accent from his written name and allowed people to pronounce it “Bell-uh.” See, even though “William” was the first name on his driver’s license, he was named Béla too. And Poppy Bill, and Grandpa, and Big Buddy, and most often (for folks who don’t share my widow’s peak and nose shape), he was just “Bill.”

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Don’t be mistaken, “Bill” wasn’t a nickname for an immigrant monniker deemed unpronounceable and simplified to its blandest form. His legal name was William.

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I don’t actually know how birth certificates, graduation diplomas, military enlistment, or social security numbers were managed in the 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s. Hell, I barely understand how those processes work now. What I do know is that at some point after he was 16 years old, my Grandfather’s government name became William. And he was still Goldie’s big brother Béla.
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Upon adoption at two years old, my own son was given the name Béla. As with all family formation, adoption is full of small details that require big decisions. Naming is a delicate and difficult thing for families and children. Each of my three children have two first names. No, not a first name and a middle name. They have two first names and then also a middle name. Each of them was given a wonderful, beautiful, powerful name by their birth parents. It was the name we first knew them by and it was a connection to the people who loved them first.
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But sometimes we change our names for safety, or health, or any of a million reasons.

One of my children had a name that they had loved since they were small, the name they wished had been theirs. In a life that had not included many choices or control, choosing a new name was a moment of power for that 12 year old. One of my children had been financially exploited. For them, a new name was the best way to ensure that the new social security number and new birth certificates that come with adoption, would be solely theirs. One of my children had a name that carried a difficult common meaning, he needed something else to defer to when his original first name was too much to carry. And so, each of them were given 2 first names. Not nicknames, two real, true, and beloved first names.

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The idea that we each get one and only one “real” name, is a fallacy. The context in which its used, the place or the people who use it, make it real. Do you answer to it, do you hear the tones of relationship in it, do you claim it? Then it really is your name, your real name. And yes, you can grow in and out of names, you can change it on a whim, you can change it every day, you can reject the ones you don’t want. You get to choose and they can all be real.

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My grandfather was both William and Béla, my children really have two first names, and Goldie really did have the most delightful name.

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That Project, That Thing, The Congregation Management Software, The Church Database Thingie, The Program I’m Building, The Change I Want to Make. I’ve been using a whole lot of names for the work I’ve been doing the past few months. They are all real, but you probably know it as Gathered Here. And maybe you’re curious for an update:
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• Learning: Thank you so much to everyone who forwarded my first email, who suggested folks to meet with me, and thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who met with me! Our conversations were extremely productive and let me move forward in huge steps on this project. I got slowed down by a moment of illness (ok, it was a lot of moments) and am still working to meet with everyone and looking for more folks to connect with and am excited I get to meet with some amazing professional associations.
• Partnering: We are currently recruiting our first congregations to implement Gathered Here! If you want to explore the options for your congregation, let me know!
• Building: And . . . . . we’re getting very close to a first usable version!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh! It's a real thing!!!!!!!!!!
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What’s useful right now:

• Send me more people to talk to: I am looking to talk to folks who manage congregations systems for pledges, finances, and payment processing. In your community that might be administrators, finance committee members, or it might be you! I’d love to connect with these folks so we can make sure Gathered Here serves the money tracking needs of our communities.
• Get your hands on the product. If your congregation is interested in implementing Gathered Here, send me a note, let’s get talking.
• Be from Oklahoma, Texas, Florida, or Alabama. If you are in any of these states, I’d really like to talk to you about the data security ramifications of recent anti-choice, anti-trans, and otherwise hateful legislation.

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OK, now I’m headed to my best friend’s house. She’s out of town and since she shares a name with an iconic fashion doll, I’ve decided to add a splash of Pink to her home. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the encouragement to embrace her name.

-Tie Resendiz De Perez, Ms Katie, Katherine, Katia, and K.P.R.

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